Praying Side By Side

I went to church again this morning--a different one from yesterday, and still not quite knowing what to do, I sat alone in the back. It was a small crowd, only 15 people or so, and I think I was probably the only one who did not attend the early morning mass regularly. Afterwards, the priest approached to welcome me. He must have sensed something was wrong because he asked why I had come that morning. I told him:

"My grandmother died yesterday. I'm Jewish, but she was Catholic. It felt like this was the place to come, but now I don't know what to do."

He asked me to wait by the memorial candles for a moment and then came back with a book I didn't expect him to have--a book of Hebrew prayers. He opened the book to the Hebrew text of Psalm 91, a common reading at Jewish funerals, and began to recite aloud with me: Yo-shev b'seter el-yon...

"These are our prayers too," he reminded me. We continued to pray together, both in English and in Hebrew. Toward the end, the priest brought out another book, this one in Latin. "Your grandmother knew the mass in Latin, yes?" "She did." "This is the psalm she would have said in church yesterday."

And with that, he slowly read the Latin text of Psalm 100 with me: Jubiláte Deo, omnis terra...quóniam suávis est Dóminus: in ætérnum misericórdia ejus, et usque in generatiónem et generatiónem véritas ejus. He repeated the psalm in English for me. For the Lord is gracious, his mercy is everlasting; and his truth endureth from generation to generation.

Then the priest looked up at me.

"Would you like to say Kaddish together?"

All I could do was nod, and together we began the prayer that reaffirms our faith when it is most tested. Yitgadal v'yitgadash shmey rabba...

As we finished, we each lit a candle in my grandmother's memory.

When I left the church, I was reminded not only of my mother's mother, but also of my father's mother. As a young girl she was sent to live in England, away from the Nazi regime that had taken control of her home country. The school she attended was Christian, but the nuns knew German and could speak easily with her, for she knew very little English. Instead of attending religion classes with the other children, she would receive private sessions with the priest who continued her Hebrew studies.

She too was once led in Hebrew prayer by a priest.

When it comes to interfaith dialogues, we often hear phrasing like "We're all responding to the same ideas--the same messages of mercy and compassion and love." We often forget, however, that we're not just acting on the same message, we're actually saying the same things.